PAURIC GRIMES: Stop going on the defence

LAST week I suggested that some of those in the retired athlete camp might have allowed the good habits they had in place while playing the game to be replaced by more self-destructive ones after hanging up the boots.

I even gave a trigger warning. And for some reason, those warnings weren’t taken on board and I got lambasted from pillar to post for talking out of my hoop.

Which is fair enough. Maybe I was. Or maybe when the questions of “Are you drinking too much?” “Are you exercising enough?” and “Are you eating like a grown-up?” were asked, a few people didn’t like the answers they got back.

For a country that loves to see attacking play on the pitch, there are a fair few whose default reaction when challenged is to go defensive.

So when the going is good, I’m going to challenge you again. I’ve no doubt this could well be the making or breaking of our relationship, but if you’re ever going to get anything from reading my words then you’ll need to survive this one.

And for complete transparency’s sake, this isn’t even my own advice I’m about to share. It comes from a good friend of mine, a fellow coach, father and retired baller.

“If you’re feeling jealous or envious of any of the success you’re seeing around your social circle then you need to take hard a look at why you’re feeling that way.”

I had a big weekend just past. Two huge personal wins. I was awarded Northern Ireland’s Personal Trainer of the Year award and I pitched a children’s book that I’ve recently written to a publishing company.

My friend told me on Monday that the first thing he felt when he’d heard wasn’t that he was happy for me but envious. Jealous even. He said he was raging with himself that instead of being proud of his mate’s success his first response was negative.

It didn’t take him long to work out that feeling wasn’t about me, it was about him. His procrastination in doing things. His hesitation to follow through with plans. The loop of overthinking and inaction he’d got himself into and until someone else’s success was presented to he was totally unaware of how trapped he was.

“It was a kick up the hole and a much-needed reminder to take my head out of my ass. I’ve been able to turn that feeling of envy into one of inspiration.”

I have absolutely zero doubt that there’ll be someone in your world who’s killing it.

They’re in great shape, seem to have boundless energy, a real purpose behind their actions and look like they couldn’t be happier. Be inspired by that person.

Celebrate their success and hijack those vibes. Avoid falling into the defence first trap.

If you don’t like watching it on the pitch why are you acting it out in your life?