JOE BROLLY: Whatever I said, I didn’t mean it

BEFORE the Kerry game with Cavan, Paddy Andrews, Cillian O’Connor and Marc O’Sé, looking like a Take That tribute, shook their heads sadly every time Cavan were mentioned.

Cavan must be bitterly regretting the day they ever beat Mayo. The following weekend, they got Donegal, enraged and motivated after their loss to Tyrone. Next up Tyrone, furious after their humiliation by Mayo. Here, they faced Kerry, an entire county disgusted after their woeful showing against Meath.

Paidi O’Sé famously called Kerry supporters “f***ing animals”. In the Kingdom, they do not have empathy for losers. There are no sugary platitudes for the defeated. I imagine the Kerry players not being served in the shops last week, being ignored on the street, being insulted, like the RUC in Dungiven during the Troubles.

Before the throw-in, the referee had to run up and down the field pointing as wrestling matches sprung up everywhere, sparked by Kerry’s players. No one fights any more. They just stumble into each other like angry drunks with no arms.

From the throw-in, Kerry played ruthlessly, in the manner of the A team in the last A v B game before the All-Ireland final 15 is selected. Their problem is that they only have one forward. If you could call David Clifford a problem.

In the sixth minute the first ball was kicked into him, a poor ball almost to the right corner flag. He beat Niall Carolan to it, then took off along the end line. It was like a Shetland pony chasing a race horse, as Clifford sped in on goal, then paused and calmly passed the ball into the net at the near post. By the eighth minute, Carolan was black carded and Padraig Faulkner was chosen to walk the plank.

By the time Clifford scored his second goal in the 17th minute, Faulkner was bent over gasping for air, his chest heaving. Like the first, the second goal was despatched precisely the way it should always be done.

As David took the pass, he shimmied to his right, then left, paused, then passed the ball to the net at the near side as the Cavan keeper dived to the far side. Most forwards, even county forwards, kick across the keeper in this position, which is the only way the keeper can possibly save it. Clifford’s dummy, pause and pass to the net is simply good habits.

And as Jim Gavin is fond of saying, the game is only good habits. With this goal, the scoreline was 2-6 to 0-3, Clifford having scored 2-3. By the 25th minute when he scored a simply astonishing two-pointer, as he fell backwards full length onto the pitch, the game was over at 2-9 to 0-4, David having contributed 2-5.

The backdrop to what would have been a monumental performance by any other forward but was the norm for David, was Kerry’s total efficiency. By half time they had won 100% of their own kick outs, 50% of Cavan’s and conceded only two scores from play, including a two-pointer kicked by Paddy Lynch after the hooter. Their tackling without fouling, trap defence and commitment were exemplary.

In the second half, that commitment evaporated and Kerry began to mess around and look mediocre, a crucial contrast with how Donegal throttled Cavan for 70 cruel minutes.

Clifford missed three great goal chances by farting about. After the third one, where he went through the Cavan men like Maradona against the English, before belting the ball straight at the goalie, he could be seen muttering “f***, f***, f***” to himself.

In this breathing space created by Kerry apathy, Cavan – for the first time all day – began to play a bit. They kicked a long ball in, it was fisted on, then fisted to the net by Evan Crowe who was absolutely delighted with himself now that he has a new chat up line.

Paddy Lynch kicked a vast two-pointer from at least 55 metres. But when Cavan came within four, Clifford decided enough was enough, resumed his good habits and passed another one to the net to kill the game.

The final score was 3-20 to 1-17. Without Clifford, Kerry would have scored only 13 points.

Can they win an All-Ireland with one forward? Well, in 2022 they did and that was in the blanket defensive era, with the big man double and triple marked. Now, he has been freed to play the game he was born to by Jim Gavin, nothing is beyond him.

The GAA+ coverage ended with the three pundits walking towards the camera, smiling, and singing.

“Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn’t mean it, I just want you back for good.”

They don’t make pundits like they used to.