Joe Brolly: DON’T GET SCAMMED

KEVIN McStay told TG4 before the throw-in against Armagh, “We’re going to play the game on its merits and see if we can come up with two points and that sums it up really. Hopefully, the wind stays nice and mild, because we all know about the wind.”

I assumed this was some sort of secret code. If it was, the Mayo lads didn’t seem to understand it.

Armagh, meanwhile, started off the game like men who had been released on early parole. The previous week, they were stuck in an unwinnable game against Donegal, falling further and further behind, powerless to change things against the game’s most efficient team (My opinion is that the Galway game doesn’t count as Jimmy had no interest in winning it).

From the throw-in in the Athletic Grounds, they were able to do what they liked against a bewildered looking Mayo. By the 29th minute on a day when the wind was nice and mild, the score was 1-9 to 0-3 for Armagh and for want of anything better to do, the TG4 cameraman kept zooming in on Aidan O’Shea in the sub’s bench. He is very handsome to be fair, like David Beckham, without the trophies.

In the 28th minute, Enda Hession came forward and stood in the middle third soloing the ball, with his left arm raised in the air. I leaned forward on the sofa. We were, it seemed, about to be treated to a set-piece of managerial genius. After ten seconds or so, when everyone had seen the signal, Enda started the ball rolling with a handpass. Ten seconds later Armagh won the ball back and scored an easy point. More rehearsal needed.

Mayo’s lack of everything was summed up by the last play of the first half. Niall Grimley went for a two-pointer which fell short and when Mayo somehow managed to work the ball over the sideline, Conor Turbitt took the kick and scored it, leaving the half time score 1-10 to 0-5.

The second half started off like the first and by the 46th minute, the score was Armagh 1-14, Mayo 0-10. Then, Niall Grimley was black carded. No big deal, the Armagh fans thought. Until precisely one minute later when Breaffy’s Davitt Neary turned over the Armagh defender, flicked it over the next defender’s head with his open palm, soloed through and with the outside of his right foot scored an absolutely delightful goal. Well Hello Davitt! Welcome to the Big Show!

One minute later, Ryan O’Donoghue scored an enormous two-pointer, and when Mattie Ruane followed up with another in the 55th minute, Mayo were only a point behind and the game was rocking.

Young Neary, who looks like he has never seen the inside of a weights room, was now scaring the pants off Armagh and by the time Grimley came back on it was level and Mayo were – amazingly – flying.

Soon, they were two up with four to go. Stefan Campbell pulled a point back. Then, with only seconds left, and Mayo in possession, Fergal Boland was blown for overcarrying 70 yards out and did not give the ball back. He raised his arms to the ref questioningly as the ball was moved forward 50 metres and Turbitt tapped over the equaliser.

Mayo remain hopelessly confused about the new rules. After the Galway game, their manager told the press that the briefing the Mayo squad had gotten from an unnamed referee was that the three-up rule was optional.

After three tap-over frees were given away that day, they gave another two away last weekend against Tyrone. Here again, they broke the three-up rule.

Then, Mattie Ruane got a free reversed when he waited for three or four seconds before using the solo and go (You must take the solo and go “immediately”). And finally, Fergal Boland handed a draw to Armagh when he did not hand the ball back.

A warning to GAA teams everywhere: There appears to be a fraudster going round the country masquerading as a referee. Mayo have been scammed. If in doubt, check with Croke Park.