Armagh and Cavan’s clash a week ago did little to inspire Joe Brolly

“Be strong, when you are weak. Be brave, when you are scared, Be humble, when you are victorious.”

“Sore body today, stronger body tomorrow.”

“ You don’t get what you wish for, you get what you work for.”

Or what about: “Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”

I have been waking up to these messages every morning courtesy of Paddy Heaney. Paddy left the Irish News to pursue a proper career. Nowadays he runs his own gym in Maghera. Based in the old train station, he cleverly named it Train Station.

The place is flying and has already transformed the town. If you take a detour off the main Derry road you will arrive in what could be mistaken for the Olympic village. Chiselled, fit men and women strolling around in tracksuits, wearing earphones and sipping from water bottles.

Which reminds me of the story about the Pope when he visited Tallaght during his Irish trip.

“Young people of Tallaght, it gives me great pleasure to open this magnificent new leisure centre.”

An aide leaned in and whispered in the pontiff’s ear: “It’s not a leisure centre Holy Father, it’s a shopping centre.”

“So why are they all wearing tracksuits?”

Paddy’s hilarious messages are a tiny part of the deluge of crap I have been receiving on a daily basis since I began writing about motivational gurus, sports psychology and mindfulness.

My friend John Fogarty tweeted me over the new year: “At a wedding. Priest’s advice to wedding couple: ‘focus, commit, believe and achieve.’ Jim McGuinness has a lot to answer for.”

The cleric’s advice will only work if the groom is Michael Murphy. But the holy man’s words are proof, if proof were needed, that gobbledegook has conquered the world. England’s leading sports psychology website BelievePerform ( @BelievePHQ) rang in the new year with the chilling advice “Start the year by becoming a growth mindset coach”.

This was coupled with some standard bunkum: “Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start thinking of what could go right.” Zzzzzzzzzz.

Then there are the nutritionists telling players that eating giant bags of Doritos and quaffing fizzy drinks isn’t good for them.

A friend bought me the Ladybird book of Mindfulness for Christmas. It reminds us that there is wisdom in waterfalls and suggests things like not talking for a day and conveying our feelings with a smile or a frown. Other titles in this series are The Tooth Fairy, The Sports Psychologist, Homeopathy, The Life Coach, and The Lough Ness Monster.

RevolutionalX (@RevolutionalX) is a mindfulness coach who has many followers. This morning he tweeted “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”

I’m not sure I can add anything to that. He likes to wear pink vests and quote Oprah Winfrey.

The dream of all of these motivational gurus is to get on Oprah and make millions.

I would like to thank all those readers who have contributed to the debate on these important matters, including Aidan who wrote to me enclosing a photograph of his car park pay machine bearing the message “Change is possible.”

Each morning Aidan focuses on this message and believes it has transformed his life.

He now uses a bicycle instead of driving to work. While he cycles, he sucks a boiled sweet and is able to block out the world completely while he savours it’s flavours.

Aidan has crashed twice already, suffering minor fractures, but as Kieran Shannon will tell you, it is only through adversity that we can truly achieve.

In fairness, we could be doing with a bit of mindfulness with the start of the McKenna Cup.

Armagh played at the weekend and when they were two men up in the last quarter they continued to play with fourteen men behind the ball.

Kieran McGeeney complained afterwards about “so called pundits, who I won’t name, but one of them calls this puke football”.

He lambasted them for describing this type of game as boring. When I reflect on it, Kieran is right. Boredom after all, is merely excitement without the excitement.

Might I recommend that for anyone unfortunate to be attending an Armagh match in the near future, they bring a copy of “The Mindfulness Colouring Book, anti-stress therapy for busy people” by Emma Farrarons and colour it in as the inaction unfolds.

Can I finish by thanking the reader who sent me “Mindfulness for dogs” by Sam Hart, wrapped in Christmas paper.

The blurb says “this book teaches the dog owner how to be with your dog in the present moment. Dogs are amazing spiritual teachers.”

Perhaps Kieran could bring a labrador onto his vast backroom team to stimulate the players and teach them to enjoy the boredom.

As for me, I’m off to enrol on a growth mindset coaching course. Happy New Year!

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