THE news that star full back Sean Fitzgerald (aka Fitzy) has been shortlisted for the upcoming series of Love Island is exactly the boost that Galway and Padraic Joyce need at this difficult time. It means he will miss the remainder of the season but hey, when you have a body off Baywatch, who needs football?

Fitzy (previously Fitzi with an i) describes himself as “an influencer” presumably because he produces videos of his cat (“she loves turkey and ham guys”), posts pictures of his dinner and generally contributes to the sum of human knowledge. The ancient Greeks had Plato. We have Fitzi. In a recent video, he explains, “If I go aaaaaaaaaaaayyyy and a woman goes back to me aaaaaaaaaaaayyy then she’s the one for me. Guys, what I do not understand is why no one has decided to scare people kissing by crawling up on them and shouting at them, that would be the funniest thing, I’d piss myself laughing.” Funnier than Roscommon thrashing you?

You can take it that none of the Armagh boys are making videos of themselves giving an eyeline make up tutorial for men, or saying things like, “Guys, like literally, I was like watching Kim Kardashian and I was like literally, so annoyed when she was angry at her poodle, I shouted ‘Girl, get your shit together’ at the TV.” (Literally being an essential word in the influencer’s toolkit)

No, Kieran McGeeney’s men are moulded in the image of their creator. I was an expert at avoiding heavy hits, due to a combination of speed, agility and fear. Once, during an Ulster championship match against Armagh in Clones, I ran into Kieran’s outstretched arm and thought I had been hit by an iron girder. We had played together for Queens as students and even in those early days of S and C, he was a gym disciple.

When we socialised he would wear a black vest, standing at the bar, arms rippling, eyes narrowed like Clint Eastwood. Nobody messed with him. Not then. Not now. A few years ago we were having coffee in a café he likes beside Newry courthouse and as usual he was calling me “a prick” and complaining about something or other I had written. When he went on to tell me he was training intensively in martial arts, I wasn’t surprised. In the flesh, he is an intimidating, intense human being, which is a good description of his Armagh team.

Under his relentless, perfectionist regime, they have become a relentless, constantly improving group, embodying the critical virtues of humility, loyalty, discipline, selflessness and honesty. The All-Blacks motto is “no dickheads” meaning no short cuts, no falseness, no letting the group down. Meaning that each squad member will work exhaustively on their skills, tactical know how, strength and conditioning, and mental strength.

Unlike Jimmy McGuinness, who comes and goes, engineering ambushes and driving a squad to physical limits that can only be sustained for three-four years, Kieran’s is a patient, slow moving, long term project. It took him 11 years to win that All-Ireland in 2024. Given the lack of star power at his disposal, it was an achievement that was hard to believe. We put it down to slavish rehearsal of the blanket defence and thought the Jim Gavin Rules would be the end of them.

Yet here they are, like universal soldiers, dominating and destroying opponents. A fortnight ago, they rolled imperiously over Down, who came strutting onto the field with their chests out and went off it on life support, having gotten the worst beating in the entire history of Down football. Now at the weekend, ruthlessly defeating an inspired Monaghan team, easily carrying the pressure of being hot favourites.

It isn’t that they are a great team. It is that they do everything with maximum efficiency and relentlessness. Relentless means: “Ceaseless and intense. Never slackening, continuing always at the same intense, demanding, punishing level, persistently hostile,pursuing, attacking, battling an opponent without mercy.” Monaghan are a plucky and adventurous opponent. Derry’s Tyrone manager made the mistake of disrespecting them in the semi-final, running the bench when we were 10 points up in the last quarter. Armagh’s Armagh manager did not make that mistake. When they were 10 points up against Down in the semi-final, he did not press pause on the onslaught.

Instead, they went 20 points up, then 30, winning in the end by 28 points.

Armagh are the very definition of relentlessness. Kieran did not run the bench come the last quarter. Monaghan, like literally, were never going to be Ulster champions. Guys.