They come out of the Cork football factory as solo-runners and handpassers. That is the manufacturer’s guarantee. The prevailing mood watching them toiling up and down the field is sadness. None of them can score goals. Instead they kick the ball straight at the goalie, allowing commentators who know nothing about football to shout, “Another brilliant save from X.”

None of them can kick points, except Stephen Sherlock, who can’t run. Mayo put a runner on him and that was the end of that. They remind me of burrowing animals – like moles. Like moles, they are short-sighted, keep their heads down and aren’t very bright.

Strategically and tactically, Cork are hopeless. Because they refuse to kick the ball, they could not take advantage of Mayo’s exciting but extremely dangerous high press. Roscommon had run riot against it, scoring at will. Monaghan had ten excellent goal chances against it and only lost by a point after missing eight of them. Meath had five and only scored two. Cork must have watched the tapes, but couldn’t break out of their self imposed handpassing prison.

So, to a nervous and vulnerable Mayo’s delight, Cork soloed and handpassed straight into them. When they did break through, twice, they kicked both shots at the Mayo keeper for “another brilliant save etc etc.”

Their sheer idiocy was summed up when the clock was at 34:29 in the first half and Cork were two up. Stupefyingly, they broke the three up rule and Ryan O’Donoghue kicked a beautiful two point free to level the sides on the hooter.

The difference between the teams was that Mayo are natural footballers and have a very dangerous, pacy full forward line. Cork did not seem to be aware of that and allowed their three full backs to be left one on one. This, inevitably, ended badly. Cork would solo and handpass their way into trouble at the other end of the pitch. Mayo would break quickly and kick pass the ball inside. Ryan O’Donoghue, Kobe (so good we named him once) and Darragh Beirne scored freely. The three of them scored 0-19 of Mayo’s 0-23.

Mayo have serious structural problems that were disguised by Cork’s terribleness. They won here by six in spite of the fact that their kick-out was dismantled and in spite of the fact that their high press remains their core strategy.

In the first half, they lost 50 per cent of their kick outs, a horrendous stat that would make Stephen Cluxton take to his bed for a fortnight. If you thought that was bad, the second half was even worse, as they plummeted to 40 per cent. This was the only thing that kept Cork in the game.

Cork haven’t won a game in Croke Park for 10 years. I estimate it will be at least another 10. In the meantime, they should be banned from television and their games played behind closed doors.

If the first quarter final was league two, the second was decidedly premiership. Tyrone brought their traditional life or death approach. They might as well have unfurled a banner saying, “We are Tyrone, we do not fear you.” An exhilirating game soon took on a life of its own. Like a great heavyweight title fight going into the 12th round, the teams were locked into something beyond the ordinary.

Tyrone went 0-7 to 0-4 up but David Clifford scored 1-3 with his first four touches, the goal a masterpiece even by the standards of the master. The two Tyrone defenders panicked and ran into each other. David didn’t. With daddy reassuring his team, Kerry responded. They had three things that kept Tyrone’s hounds at bay. Clifford (1-8), Dylan Geaney (0-8, while everyone else was watching David) and a simply astonishing kick out-performance from Shane Murphy whose success rate was over 90 per cent.

McCurry time

Yet they could not shake off Tyrone and when Darren McCurry was brought on with 20 minutes to go, the force was with Tyrone. ‘The Dazzler’ tortured Kerry, using all of his dazzling skills. His first touch was a two pointer. Then another. Then a one pointer. He mesmerised the crowd and the Kerry men, scoring 0-10 in just over 15 minutes, bringing Tyrone to the brink of another immortal triumph.

Then, a final kick out for Kerry, with just a point between them and 30 seconds to go. Up it went into the air and as they fought for it as though their lives were at stake, David Clifford surged in and came away with that precious last ball. With the ball in the mothership, Tyrone were finally beaten. It only remained for Clifford to waste the last few seconds before setting in motion the goal that merely decorated a truly great game.

Tyrone complained about the 45, but that was irrelevant. Refereeing Gaelic football is an impossible job. The officials simply do not have the tools. The real game changer was when young McElholm was clean through and blasted it over the bar off balance. He should watch some videos of David doing it – dummy, pause, pass to the net.

It was an epic unforgettable game. The only thing that could have made it better was if Marty Morrisey was on GAA+.